Girls, Girls, Girls: There’s more to being a bridesmaid than meets the eye

by mia bolaris-forget (Staff Writer)

Though traditionally bridesmaids were suppose to be instrumental in keeping evil spirits away from the bride, modern maids have a different, but no less significant role. But, just how intense your girls’ duties, is pretty much up to you.

Some brides are content with their ladies making a simple cameo appearance at the ceremony, while others enthusiastically embrace their involvement in the planning process. And, the latter means serious business. Besides hearing about every intimate detail of how the bride’s progress is progressing, it may also mean being with her most every step of the way including helping her pick our her gown and yours, organizing and funding the shower and/or bachelorette party and accepting personal assistant or supervisory duties on the Big Day.

Since many of the responsibilities can include extra expenditures or directing guests and/or keeping the party going (perhaps by asking a few to dance), it’s best for the bride to pick ladies she knows she can count on, and assign them to a particular duty that she will be most comfortable with and that won’t conflict with her finances or personality.

In addition, it’s best to prepare your girls well in advance. In fact, it’s best to tell select them shortly after you’ve broken the big engagement news. And, it’s best to extend the wedding party participation invitation in person. However, in cases where distance is an issue, and your heart is set on certain girls who may currently live far away, a phone call or hand-written letter is absolutely acceptable. Remember, emails can give off a connotation of being too impersonal, but can become an acceptable means of communication once your wedding party is officially in place. In fact, at this point, it’s ideal for touching base at all hours of the day, from any vantage point and for keeping party members “in-the-loop” and up-to-date. Not to mention that it helps keep those in the bridal party conveniently connected.

Regardless of how excited and enthusiastic you are, including about having certain ladies participate, it’s best to keep in mind, ahead of time, that some in your circle may not share the sentiment or the finances and may be inclined to decline.

In such instances it’s best NOT to severe the friendship (at least not completely) but appreciate the honestly and the fact, that your friend or family member spared you the stress of dealing with someone whose heart of pocketbook wasn’t into it. And, in each of these cases its probably best to be supportive and understanding. However, if cost is the concern and you’d like to alleviate cost concerns, you can offer to help with finances if YOUR finances allow for it. For instance, you could offer to pay for a friend’s dress, all the girls’ dresses or cover the cost of out-of-town hotel rooms.

Also, keep in mind that if you’ve got a LARGE social circle, you may not be able to include everyone, at least not in the capacity they may be looking forward to or expect. Be honest and forthright so that you don’t wind up with a hoard of hurt feelings. Better yet, perhaps you can find some other purpose for them such as a special reading or including them a special ceremony such as helping with lighting of the candles or handing out wedding pamphlets. Another way to acknowledge “special guests” is by presenting them with a special corsage or boutonniere so that they stand out in the crowd.

Speaking of gifts, tradition has it that special keepsakes or gifts be presented to the ladies and gentlemen in your bridal party, along with a heartfelt thank you note. But, you don’t have to break the bank. It’s perfectly acceptable to keep it “simple”, as long as you also keep it practical.